This picture was taken in the yard of our old house. There are all kinds of lilies planted in the front and back, but these red ones are my favorite. This is the most blooms we’ve had; aren’t they gorgeous? I’m really going to miss my lilies, so I wanted to take one last picture next to them. Our old house is almost ready for walk throughs and it’s a seller’s market, so I’m sure the house will go fast. On the one hand, I’m ready to not be living between two houses. But on the other, I’m still not quite ready to let go of our first house. Change is so bittersweet.
We’re having some work done in the basement of our new house, and the contractor was just being friendly, trying to make conversation with me the other day. “So, you’re just about done?”, he asked, in reference to my swelling belly. “Yeah,” I responded, “…in December.” He laughed off his embarrassment and immediately started talking about something else. I will be the first to admit that my stomach is definitely popping now, but…seriously?! I’ve only gained 7 pounds; this bump is large and in charge, but it’s all baby! He’s not the first one to unnecessarily comment on how large my bump is so soon. I’ve heard, “You sure it isn’t twins?” more than I’d like to (and I would like to hear it never). Come on people, this is my 4th kid! Of course my belly is going to swell earlier on; it’s called muscle memory. I’m really sick of this unrealistic body image that’s shoved on women. My body looks like I’ve created 4 lives inside of it, and I’m not going to apologize for it. My body has been in constant flux for 6 years now; how exactly do you think my body is going to look? Every woman’s body reacts differently to the substantial change of bearing children. Some get the weight off really easily, but personally, I have always had a really hard time getting rid of the baby weight until I stop nursing. And every time I stop nursing, I get pregnant again. So please just STOP. Note to everyone in the universe: never assume the due date of a pregnant woman. There’s a 95% chance of you just looking like an ass with your foot in your mouth.
A few days ago, my oldest decided to make me breakfast for no special reason. She’s only five, so the toast was cold and the water a far cry from coffee. But that was hands down the best breakfast I’ve ever had. She is such a sweet girl. I don’t know what I’m going to do without her when she starts school in September.
One of my friends texted me and some of her other friends on Monday afternoon asking if anyone was free to see Bad Moms that evening. I didn’t have any plans and my husband agreed to watch the kids. So on Monday I went out with friends for the first time in years. I don’t even remember the last time I went out with friends, but it was before we moved out here, so it’s been at least 3 years. Every other group of people in the theater that night consisted of girlfriends. It was so beautiful to see women going out and doing something for themselves. Even greater was that I got to be a part of it. I really need to do stuff like that more often.
Yesterday, I received news that a friend of mine passed away the night before. She’s been battling cancer for 3 years, and unfortunately the cancer won. I knew that she had decided to stop her chemo, so was expecting it. But I don’t think any of us can ever really be ready for the cold touch of death upon our lives. Heidi was only 31 years old; far too young to pass away. I met her in my first year of collage; we did a production together. It was the same production in which I met my husband and a lot of other friends that are still a part of my life. It was her first time doing sound design and I remember how nervous she was. She ended up doing a fantastic job though, and became a sound engineer. I love that I got to watch her fall in love with sound design and be a part of productions that she did sound for. Heidi had this remarkable ability to bring calm into the most stressful rehearsals. She was incredibly talented and one of the kindest people I’ve ever known. Cancer may have ended her life here on earth, but I know her spirit lives on. And now she’s healthy and whole and perfect.
This is how I will forever remember Heidi: full of joy and forever with a hint of mischief behind her cat like eyes.
I’ll see you in the West, my dear friend.
I have to share a conversation that I had with my 3 year old yesterday:
Ary: “Why are you crying, Mama?”
Me: “Because one of my friends died. So I’m sad.”
Ary: “Dat’s awful. I’m so sawee, Mama.”
Me: “It’s ok; she was really sick. But now she’s all better.”
Ary: “Yeah. And when you die, you’ll get tah see her again.”
Me: “That’s right.”
Ary: “It’s otay tah cry Mama. Sometimes, we just cry. And dat’s otay.”
It’s so incredible when kids are way too profound for their age. It’s in those moments that I see God in my kids, and the feeling that fills my heart is unlike anything I’ve ever felt before.
My weekly doctor’s appointment went well again. Despite the persistent contractions, I am thankfully not showing any signs of going into early labor. I am technically 23 weeks today; only one more week to go until we’re in the “safe” zone of “viability”. Emotionally, I’m handling the stress of it all better. For the most part, I’m just trying to go about my life as normal, and for the most part, I succeed. On top of the contractions I’ve also been experiencing a lot of pelvic bone pain. So it hurts to lie down, sit down and stand up. Basically, I’m really uncomfortable all the time. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that the discomfort was affecting my mood. I feel much crankier with this pregnancy. But to be fair, it feels like being on a period while being pregnant at the same time. So I feel like anyone would be cranky.
I’m really looking forward to next week, because my dad and step mom are coming out for a week visit! My dad was just here in July, but I haven’t seen my step mom since October. She has since been diagnosed with cancer herself, and it’s been really hard to be so far away while she’s battling this beast. Especially with the loss of my friend, this visit is going to do my soul much good.
- Baby is about the size of a spaghetti squash
- Lips, eyelids, and eyebrows are becoming more distinct
- Tiny tooth buds are beginning to develop underneath the gums
- The eyes have formed, but the irises don’t have color yet