Children make the most ridiculous messes. It goes way beyond just dumping toys on the floor, and enters a Twilight Zone of what-the-heck-are-you-doing-with-your-life. Which, by the way, is something I routinely ask them. I mean, what else am I supposed to say when I walk in on my 3 year old ripping up her pull-up with a toddler knife?
The messes that they make truly defy logic. If I had seen a TV show portraying any of the scenarios that I now live out in my real life before I had kids, I would have laughed but thought, “Oh, they’re exaggerating; I mean, what motivation would a kid have to do that?” Well pre-kids Amanda, they don’t need a motivation. Kids just do stuff because they can’t stop moving/talking/eating. They are literally incapable of staying still. They even wiggle on the toilet!
Speaking of toilets, Arya fell in the toilet last week because she somehow lost her balance when she went to stand up. I saw the whole thing happen, but I still have no idea how she ended up falling in. I laughed so hard. Which of course she didn’t appreciate. She started crying and yelling, “It’s not funny!”
“Well, it’s a little funny”, I said.
She thought about it and then admitted, “Yeah it is a wittle funny.”
On Friday, Eowyn decided that she was going to make a trap for Tyler and I so that her and Arya could be in charge. I don’t know how they were planning on putting this trap together, but cut up pieces of paper towels were required. I was fine with that because it gave me time to have my third cup of coffee in quasi peace. But then they got a cup of water and began mixing the tiny pieces of paper towel in with a fork. Of course, the cup got knocked over, spilling all over the table. And somehow the tiny, wet bits of paper towel got thrown on the floor like confetti. Sticky, sticky confetti.
Why does this need to be a part of life?!!?
The best part is that was the third water mess of the day. Laurelyn had poured a cup of water on the floor while I was baking, sitting in it and splashing it in a 12 inch circumference. I knew she was being too quiet. Before this, she had been shaking water out of Eowyn’s water bottle and wiping it with a towel over and over again. At least that time she was trying to clean it up.
The older girls didn’t notice what the baby was doing because they were busy rowing their boats down the river. And by ‘boats’ I mean my stock pot, and by ‘river’ I mean the walkway. If you come over for dinner and the spaghetti tastes like children’s feet, you’ll know why.
When I went to put in The Tigger Movie for them, I found 2 pieces of beginning-to-mold potato in their play room. Apparently Arya had snuck a potato in there a day (?) ago, cutting it up with her toddler knife. What is the point of having awesome wooden play food that they can “cut” apart if they’re just sneaking the real food?
I also caught the same child cutting up left over broccoli a couple hours after dinner. In the cat tree. Did you know that it is surprisingly difficult to pick up tiny bits of broccoli out of carpet? Again I ask–What the heck are they doing with their lives???
And don’t get me started on scotch tape, which according to my children, is the primary component to every great invention. At any given time you can find tape on my throw blankets, floor, couch, table, and walls. My favorite is when I miss a piece of tape on a dirty sock and then have to try to peel it off after it got congealed onto the fabric in the dryer.
The moment that still has me completely dumbfounded however happened 2 nights ago. Eowyn and I were watching Kids Baking Championship and I notice out of the corner of my eye that the trash cabinet in the kitchen is open, and that Laurelyn and Arya are standing by it. The baby is all about dumpster diving right now, which I really wish wasn’t a thing in my life because it’s gross. So I hurry over there to get her away from the trash again, and she’s holding a chicken wing. The half eaten chicken wing that I had thrown away 2 hours prior. And she was trying to eat it! Arya was busy cutting up yet another potato, so despite being right next to Laurelyn, hadn’t bothered to stop it.
“Arya, why didn’t you tell me that the baby was in the trash again?”
“Well, btwause I didn’t want to.” (said in the sassiest tone ever, by the way)
I just had to laugh at that point, because seriously–what the heck are we doing with our lives??!
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